She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
