if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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