Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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