I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
