Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
