It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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