The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
This baby is an asshole
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
