My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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