GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
