Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
