I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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