He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
