Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
