Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
