glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
