"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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