You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
