Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
