Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I look better un-naked...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
