I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
