my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
