D3 body, D1 cock
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
