No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
