her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
