And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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