We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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