remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize