Who wears a wallet chain?!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
