He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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