Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
