even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
