if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
