Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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