i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
