it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
my liver is dry heaving
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
