i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize