it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I am one with the molecules
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
