when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize