dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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