So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
