walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
