hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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