So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you would pick up someone in the library
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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