trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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