I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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