I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
