you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize