question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
