I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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