a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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