Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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