I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
