yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
