Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
