is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
this is an emotional support booty call
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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