Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
sarcasm needs its own font
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
