You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Someone signed my nipple.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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