she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
