By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
