You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
