I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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