She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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