She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
