Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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