My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
