someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
