How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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