I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize