At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
