i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
