He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
