She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
