i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize