I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize