You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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