umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
