Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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