so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
