She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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