i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
