wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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