wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
How does one acquire holy water?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
