Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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