I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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