I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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