My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
