Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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