If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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