at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
