Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize