I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
