I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
