Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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