Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
