a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
