yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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