"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
