the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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