If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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