girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize